Not Moving
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Reality-it's a hard thing to accept. Kelly/Joey AU
1. Chapter 1

He blew out the last candle, the flicker flame dying out immediately. Not even it cared enough to put up a fight. Joey gathered the dishes and walked them into the kitchen. He was too tired to be angry, too sad to be upset, too hurt to be indignant. The sound of the door rattling normally filled him with joy, but tonight, he almost dreaded what would come next.

"Sorry I'm.." She stopped, looking around. She reached out to touch the still warm wax that had melted onto the table. "Did you do all this?" Kelly took a step towards him, the guilt welling up inside her as he took a step back.

"What makes you think that?" he muttered. He knew it seemed petty, but at this point, he no longer cared. Getting back together with Kelly was the one thing that had gone right this past year. He finally had another chance to get it right. He had the girl, now he could get to work on building the life, only she was never here to do that.

"Joey," she said softly, reaching up to touch him. "I'm really sorry. Something came up and I had to take care of it because…"

"You're the only one that could." He finished her sentence for her. He'd heard it enough. "If you'd come work with me, like I've asked you, like I've begged you, we wouldn't be having this problem," he sighed, grabbing the last of the dishes.

Kelly shook her head. "I thought we'd settled this." She reached down, grabbing her shoes and tossing them to the side. "The Sun is important to me. It's something that's just for me. Something I've worked hard on. Don't ask me to give that up, Joey. Don't ask me to choose. It's my baby."

The second the words left her lips, she knew what she'd said. She saw in his eyes, the hurt….or was it anger? She wasn't sure and he didn't give her long to ponder. He simply grabbed the last remaining plate and stormed into the kitchen.

* * *

She stepped into the kitchen, the banging of pots and pans a clear indication that Joey was in no mood to talk. She wasn't either, but this silence….it was so….loud. It was ironic, she thought to herself, how silence could be as loud in your head as a scream…as deafening as any harsh words you had ever shouted in anger.

"Joey," she said quietly, jumping a little as he slammed a pot into the cabinet.

"Not now, Kelly." He didn't even look at her. He couldn't. They'd been having the same argument over and over and over for months. It always ended the same way. She always promised that it would get easier. She was going to hire an assistant and she'd be home more…soon, but now he was beginning to wonder. He wondered if work was an excuse…a reason to avoid the commitment…a reason to avoid making all the plans and dreams they'd talked about a reality.

"I just…I didn't mean it to come out that way. What I said…I mean. Work…The job…" She looked over at him. Not once had he even glanced her way. She hadn't seen him this angry…this detached in so long…not since….since the whole mess with Kevin. "The thing I said about it being my baby." He turned his head toward her, his eyes glaring.

She continued. "It was just an expression."

"No. See that's just it, Kelly. It's not just an expression. I think maybe for the first time in months…maybe you're telling me the truth. Maybe you don't want what I want. Maybe you never have. Maybe this life isn't your dream. Maybe it's just been mine and maybe I'm the fool that's been fighting for something that's never even been there in the first place."

His words seemed to hang in the air, never to be taken back, never to be unsaid, and he wasn't sure he'd want them to be. His anger was real. His pain was real. His disappointment was real. Even though the tears that flowed down her face seemed to beckon to him, he stood firm. He wouldn't be her comfort this time. He wouldn't be her shoulder to cry on.

Breathe, she reminded herself, as she forced the air through her lungs. She reached out, grabbing the door frame and steadying herself. "I want what you want, Joey….I just…" His eyes were so cold as he stared at her. She searched them for something she recognized, but found nothing. "Why can't you understand?"

"I understand perfectly." Turning away again, he went back to work scrubbing the pot in the sink. He was done. Done with the pleading, done with the begging, done with asking her to make a commitment that she didn't want to make….He was done with it all. "I'm sure you've got work to do."

She inhaled sharply. "Are you telling me to leave?" Her voice shook with disbelief and pain.

He kept his hands in the water, afraid that if he pulled them out she'd see them shaking. He closed his eyes, unable to look at her as he spoke. "Just go. Take care of what's important to you."

It took everything in her not to collapse to the floor, but somehow she managed to remain on her feet. Taking a deep breath, she reached down, wiping some imaginary lint from her jacket, and using the few seconds to collect herself. "If that's what you want," she said softly.

Joey stood still until he heard the door shut. He listened for a moment for the sound of her car starting, then reached for a towel. "You're what I want," he said softly.

* * *

The file fell to the floor, scattering the papers everywhere. Kelly sighed. She didn't know why she came back here. There was no way she was concentrating on anything tonight—much less work. The only thing she could think about was Joey. He looked through her tonight, like he didn't even know her anymore. She hadn't seen him that empty in a really long time and she hoped to never see it again.

"Kelly," a voice called to her from the door.

"Yeah, Meridith?" Kelly looked up, grateful to see the young woman there. It wasn't exactly that she wanted to hear whatever problems the young reporter had to burden her with, but at least it would be some distraction, and at this point, any distraction was a welcome one.

"The police scanner just picked up some activity near Angel Square. Apparently something pretty big is going on. You want me to send someone over to cover it?" She looked at her with hopeful eyes.

Kelly nodded. Meredith reminded her at lot of herself. She had energy to burn and a lot to prove. Both of her parents had been junkies and she'd basically raised herself. Determined to succeed, she possessed plenty of heart and a healthy amount of a talent to boot. Now all she needed was a chance to prove herself.

"You know," Kelly said, managing a small smile, "Why don't you go?" She actually felt a little better as she watched the girl's face light up.

"Really? You're sure?"

"Yeah…Yeah…Go ahead. Just make sure you let the police handle the dangerous stuff, ok?" She raised her eyebrows, making sure to emphasize her point.

Meredith shook her head, then looked a little concerned. "It's just…"

"What? What's wrong?" Kelly was confused. She figured Meredith would jump at the chance to be the first on the scene of a story, but now she seemed to be having second thoughts. Jitters, she wondered?

"It's just. I haven't been here very long and I've been saving up, but I haven't had the money to buy a car yet." She kept her eyes fixed on the floor, embarrassed that she couldn't do the job she was now being asked to do. Even after working so hard here, still she didn't measure up.

"Oh?" Kelly felt a twinge of sadness as she watched her. She knew what it was like to try to fit in, but she'd always been blessed financially, thanks to Dorian. "Tell you what," she smiled, "Why don't you drop me off at home, and then you take my car?"

Meredith eyes widened? "Are you sure?"

"Of course, but we'd better be getting out of here before that lead gets cold," Kelly said quickly, gathering her things and picking up a few files to take with her. It wasn't as if she was getting anything done here tonight anyway, she reasoned. At least this way, she was helping someone out.

She motioned for Meredith to walk out ahead of her, flipped off the light, and closed the door behind her.

* * *

"Talk about timing," Kelly muttered, listening as the rain poured heavily outside its steady assault on the windows broken only by loud claps of thunder and sharp crackles of lightning. Holding the flashlight, she sighed, grateful to at least have the small beam of light it provided. Her aunt's house was huge and the darkness only made it seem larger and even emptier. What she wouldn't give to fall into Joey's arms right now.

She started over to the phone, and picked it up, realizing for the first time that the storm had rendered it useless as well. Grabbing her purse, she cursed. Her cell phone sat inside the glove box of her car, which was now surely on the way to Angel Square. She flopped down on the sofa. She could take Dorian's car, she thought. She could go to Joey. She could try to explain. Leaning back, she closed her eyes, her body releasing a slow sigh. Nothing like a dark and stormy night to make you feel totally and completely alone.

* * *

"Alright already," Joey yelled, as he headed down the steps. Polite wasn't even on his list tonight. The storm had kept him up most of the night and now that it had finally settled down, some idiot was down here knocking on his door. "This had better be good!"

He jerked open the door, "Uncle Bo?" he said surprised.

"Joey," Bo replied, looking at his nephew with a mix of sorrow and regret. "I know it's late, but I wanted to make sure you didn't hear it from…." He sighed. "Can I come in?"

Joey paused for a moment. When someone from the police department stopped by your house in the middle of the night, even if they were your uncle, it wasn't good. He simply stepped aside.

"Thanks," Bo said quietly, walking inside. "Why don't you sit down?"

"I don't want to sit down." Joey could feel his body begin to shake. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"Joey…I…" There was no right way to say this. He'd done this more times than he cared to remember and yet he never felt he got any better at it. He never felt he found the right way to say it. "There's been an accident, Joey."

"An accident?" His heart beat faster still. "Who? Who was it?" His voice broke with each word he spoke and he sat, no longer trusting his legs to hold him.

"Kelly." Bo said softly.

"Kelly?" It was as if his heart had fallen to the floor. He couldn't catch his breath. So many questions flooded his mind and yet he couldn't get his mouth to cooperate. Everything seemed blurry and slow and surreal. "She's ok though, right?"

Bo closed his eyes for a moment, reliving his own losses. There was something so unbelievably painful about the moment you realize something you love more than your own life is gone.

"I'm afraid not, Joey." He stopped for a moment, watching his face as the words became real. He stood, walking over to the chair where Joey sat. Gently he put his hand on his shoulder. "She's gone, Joey. I'm so so sorry, but she's gone."


	2. Chapter 2

The storm had started up again outside, but it was nothing compared to what was going on inside him. Everything seemed to scream out and yet not a sound escaped. Bo stood there silent, watching him, waiting for his reaction.

"Kelly's at work," he stated, his voice eerily calm.

Bo knelt down beside the chair. "Joey." He knew this feeling. He knew this pain and he would give anything to take it away from him, but he couldn't. Joey had to deal with it. If he'd learned anything from all the tragedies in his life, he'd learned that. You couldn't avoid pain like this. You had to work through it.

"Uncle Bo," Joey said, his voice a little louder, but still just as calm, "She's fine. I know. I'm sure of it. If she wasn't, I'd know."

"There was an accident near Angel Square." Bo spoke calmly, but firmly. He had to find some way to get through to him. "A red Audi hit a tree, which fell onto a power line. With the rain and the weather, the tanker just couldn't stop and…" His voice trailed off as he watched Joey shake his head furiously.

"It wasn't her," he muttered. "The license plate…did you get the number."

"No, Joey. The car….the tanker hit the power line…it was live. There was a fire. We couldn't get a number off the plates."

"See..See…" He jumped out of the chair. The thoughts came so fast now. His brain was struggling to keep up. He felt out of control, his heart beating faster and faster with each passing second. "You don't know that it was her. You don't even know that it was her car for sure. You don't know. It could have been someone else that had the same car. There are probably hundreds of…" He stopped short as he watched Bo unclench his fist.

"What is that?" he asked, his voice shaking. He silently prayed that he was wrong. That Bo was not holding the one thing in his hand that could change everything.

"We found this," Bo said quietly. "We think maybe she was trying to get out of the car and it fell off." He held out the misshapen diamond bracelet to Joey. The fire had left its mark, but it was definitely Kelly's.

"This doesn't prove anything," he whispered, still unable to comprehend the reality of the situation. "She could have dropped this anywhere. Someone could have stolen it."

Bo shook his head. "We ran the GPS on her phone. It was in the glove box of the car. Joey, I'm so sorry. If there was any chance…."

Joey stood up, walking over to the mantle and picking up a picture of Kelly that stared back at him. Could it be true? Could she be gone? It just didn't feel real. He didn't feel different. "I want to see her."

"You can't. The fire it….There isn't….Joey, we just couldn't get her out of the car in time."

He bit down hard on his lip until he tasted blood. The pain was a welcome reprieve from the crazed chaos that had overtaken his body. He took a deep breath before walking to stand in front of his uncle. "Let me get this straight," he began, his voice shaky but stern, "You want me to believe that the woman that I love more than anything in the world, the woman that I just got back is gone. You want me to believe that she died, but you're telling me that there's no body for me to see. No one for me to say goodbye to? Is that what you're telling me?"

To hear it said like that, Bo could barely respond to the situation. It sounded horrific…worse than any horrible joke or curse he could imagine. "If there had been anything I could have done, Joey."

"There is something you can do," Joey said, moving towards the door. "You can listen to me and listen good. Kelly is not gone. If she were gone, I would know it. She might have been in an accident, but she's still here. Kelly is not dead. She's still with me."

"Of course she is," Bo replied softly. "She'll always be with you. She'll always be with all of us. The love that you and Kelly had was so powerful that not even death can…"

"That's not what I'm talking about!" Joey screamed, his anger overwhelming his rational thoughts. "She's not dead. She's out there and I'm going to go find her."

Bo rushed towards the door in an effort to stop him, but he was already gone. The storm raged in the background as Bo picked up the phone.

"Kevin," he said as the voice on the other end answered. "It's Uncle Bo. Listen, I've got some really bad news."

* * *

The rain was coming down harder now, but he hadn't even really noticed, not that it would have mattered. Not that anything really mattered. Joey stared up at the sky from atop the Palace roof.

"I'm right here," he whispered, his fixed on the sky. He searched for the star, the same star he'd given her, the same star they'd stared up at together right here on this roof so many nights. The clouds were too thick, the storms were far from over.

"Joey," Kevin called out, his voice barely registering above the wind and rain. He took a step out onto the roof, wincing as the raindrops stung his face. "Why don't you come inside? We'll talk. We'll figure this out."

"No. No. I'm waiting for her." Joey didn't move. He stared at the sky, willing the clouds to part, as if someone the star would be the sign…the sign that she was ok…the sign that she was coming back to him.

"Listen, I know about Kelly. Bo called and…"

"He's wrong. She's not gone. She's fine." He couldn't stand to hear the words again. They were lies. Horrible, awful lies. If Kelly were gone, a part of him would go too. A part of his heart would have died right along with her.

Kevin reached up, wiping the raindrops away from his eyes, as he tried to step underneath the door frame for some shelter. "I know it's hard Joey…believe me…I know. When Grace died I…"

"Don't do that." His voice was raised and almost threatening. "Don't compare what you had with Grace to what I had with Kelly."

"I'm not doing that. It's just….I just meant. I know it's hard to accept it. I know when you love someone that much…believing that they're gone is…" Kevin took a deep breath. His heart was breaking too. Kelly had been a part of his life for years. They shared a child, one that had never been born, and one that they'd raised together. Zane had to be told, he thought to himself, as he closed his eyes. That phone call would be one of the hardest things he ever had to do.

"Come on Joe." Kevin tried again. "It's miserable out here. We'll go inside. We'll talk." He watched and still nothing.

"Alright," he sighed. "We don't have to talk. We can just sit. We don't have to do anything."

"You go," Joey spoke, his voice low and steady. "I'm staying here. This is where she'll come."

"What? Joe…She's not…She's…" Kevin glanced up at the sky. If there was a such thing as divine intervention, he could really use a little now.

"We had a fight tonight," he said quietly, his voice faltering as he looked over at Kevin.

Kevin nodded, taking a step closer to him despite the rain that continued to fall. "Before she left?"

Joey shook his head. "I told her to go, Kevin. I sent her away. The last thing I said to her…." He swallowed, trying desperately to push past the lump that grew in his throat every time he relived that moment….something he'd done hundreds of times in the last few hours.

Reaching out his hand, Kevin touched his shoulder lately. "It's ok. What did you say?"

"I told her to go and take care of what was important to her." He struggled to take another breath. Even as he repeated the words, they cut at his heart. His eyes raised to meet Kevin's. "She asked me if that's what I wanted, and I said nothing…Kev." His words were coming faster now as he became more upset. "I said nothing…I just watched her go. What if…What if…"

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Bo said as he stepped out onto the roof holding an umbrella. "They told me inside that I could find you two out here. You don't want to."

Kevin shook his head. "We're just gonna stay here for a while."

Bo nodded, walking slowly over towards Joey. "Listen, I just wanted to let you know that forensics finished analyzing the scene. They were able to get an imprint of the plate and…"

Joey looked up at him, his eyes hopeful.

"I'm sorry, but the plates matched Kelly's registration. It was definitely her car." He cringed as he watched the hope fade from his nephew's eyes, only to be replaced by vacancy.

"Joe, is there anything we can do for you?" Kevin asked, grasping his shoulder. "Anything? You just name it."

"Just go," he repeated slowly. "I just want to be alone."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Bo protested. "I know that's what you think you want, but you're gonna start thinking and you're going to need someone. Let us stay here with you, or better yet, come back with us. Let us help you."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. She's…She'll." Joey blinked, looking from Bo to Kevin. He knew what they were thinking. They were mentally recalling the stages of grief. No doubt they believed he was stuck in denial.

"Joey," Kevin tried again.

"Get out of here!" Joey screamed, unable to hold his anger in any longer.

Kevin moved toward him, but Bo reached out to stop him.

"Just leave him be," Bo said quietly. "He just needs some time. Let's give it to him."

Joey stood silently as they left. It couldn't be true. None of it. Kelly couldn't be gone. There was too much left to say…too much left to do…to many dreams left to fulfill.

"I'll be right here," he whispered, looking back up towards the sky.

* * *

He'd lost track of time sometime around 3 in the morning, around the same time that the rain mercifully stopped falling. Although he hadn't slept, he felt as if he'd drifted away somewhere, somewhere where Kelly wasn't lost to him…somewhere where it was easier to believe that she'd come back.

"Where are you Kel?" he whispered, looking up at the pink and purple sky, which was just now beginning to show signs of a new day.

He'd always believed, in a reason for things, in a higher purpose, in a higher power, so much so that he'd even entertained the idea of the ministry as a career, but this…this made him question everything.

"What is this?" he said, his voice breaking, his attention directed to the sky. "Is this some kind of punishment? Is this because I didn't appreciate her…because I didn't love her enough? Is that it?" He took a shaky breath.

"Because if it is, you're wrong. I did love her…I loved her more than I ever thought I could…more than I ever did before…more than I loved anything..more than I loved myself. I just…I lost it for a minute. I said some stupid things…some things I didn't mean. Is this your grand plan? Is this the way you make your points? You take people? Good people? People with dreams and hopes? People with families and lives? People that believe in You and your power?" He felt the warm tears begin to slide down her face.

"I want her here with me!" he screamed. "You don't need her now. You can't have her yet!" His anger overwhelmed him for a moment, and then in an instant he was overwhelmed again with almost immediate surrender. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't take her."


End file.
